you could be happy, and i won't know.

but you weren't happy the day i watched you go <3
and all of the things that i wish i had not said.
are played in loops, until it's madness in my head.
is it too late to remind you how we were?
and not our last days of silence,
screaming,
blur.
( most of what i remember makes me sure, i should've stopped you from walking out the door.)

i think i'm getting too addicted to this blogging thing. but whatever.
so if i could explain this month so far in one word it would be;
reconnection.
i dunno.
i've reconnected with a lot of the friends i thought had forgotten about me.
i guess in some ways this is a good thing. because i had been sitting next to my phone, wishing they would call. i had been going to the old places we used to hang out and wishing they were with me. my heart had been aching for them.
but yet now i realize why i had to let them go.
i realize why i can't talk to them anymore.
it's very bittersweet and i don't know what i should do? :/
i guess i never really know what to do xD i'm very confused a lot of the time.
but tonight has been really bad.
the person i'm dating is starting to break down a bit more. and i'm trying to save her more. but i can't.
and the boy i used to love has now decided to try and break me down.
and i talked to a girl i haven't talked to in months.
and i ended a relationship with a girl i've known for years.
and everything is crashing down on me and i'm.
exhausted.
purely exhausted.
i guess maybe i'll just text emily some more and talk to ash.
and lucas. even though he's doing a report :/
i always feel like i'm bothering everyone.
and my fears are probably justified.
i probably AM bothering everyone.

eh whatever.
imma go make chocolate milk and watch old episodes of supernatural.
night~