the movie theatre always makes me feel odd.

so i went and saw coraline today. it's about this girl who finds a portal in her house thats leads her to a life she wished she had. perfect parents who love her and pay attention to her and such. until she realizes it's just a trap. and her new 'mother' wants to sew out her eyes. or something :/ it scared me. idk.
but she did have a yellow raincoat! so that made me happy. i loved it <3
): it's a kids movie, i know. i'm lame.

i went with this guy. he takes pictures of raves. he has a nice jaw. and perfect teeth.
he smiles every two seconds and he tried to hold my hand.
but i wouldn't let him. so he just ignored me for the rest of the movie.
i think maybe next time i see a movie i will go alone.

i love movie popcorn.
it's amazing.
i pretty much ate a whole large popcorn by myself ): which is bad because now i feel all fat and stuff.
ughh.
i want to talk to onyx. and laureen.
onyx is gonna make a sketch of the idea we had for my new tattoo. a cherry blossom tree. on my side. but the roots end in a heart. i'm excited.

i didn't talk to skott today.
i wish i did.
because i really miss him. i read his blog and it made me sad. i like wonder bread too, if you were wondering <3>
sometimes i want to fix him. even though he isn't very broken.
i guess i want to fix a lot of people.
and i guess i just want someone to fix me.
i dunno. i wish there was another world i could go to. likle coraline. but mine wouldn't be evil.
mine would make me happy.
but maybe i should just learn how to be happy right here, right now. and stop wishing about a new life.
this is it. this is my life.

lake elsinore has too many scene boys. eh..i guess everywhere does now. i can't really complain because i wear skinny jeans and a chain on my wallet. but. idk. it seemed like everyone was at the movies with their friends. and i was just with rave boy. who probably hates me. and is probably reading this. (if you are, i'm sorry. i really would've liked to hold your hand but. i don't like you like that. besides. i am a mess. you'd be best to just stay away from me.) anyway. everyone hangs out at the movie theatre. or in and out. or the circle k. or maybe the bowling alley now? they just built it. i think maybe i'll go with joey and tommy one of these days and give it a try. maybe then i could feel just a little bit more normal. maybe then i would actually want to get out of bed.

i got black out curtains recently.
i've been sleeping for fourteen hours at a time.
i don't leave my room. unless people like rave boy beg me.
i just want to hide forever.
charlie says it isn't healthy. i miss charlie.
i feel like i don't know her anymore. but maybe thats because we never talk. i really wish we did.
because she makes me smile and she knows just what to say when i complain about never being skinny enough. and i know just what to say when she tells me about how fucked up her school is. or, i hope i do.

i talked to laureen today too. her dad took away her phone though. we have one huge thing in common; our families are a bunch of freaks. but maybe everyone has that in common. maybe everyones family is messed up or broken in some ways. idk.

i miss ash. i know i made her mad but. i just miss her. we had just started talking again and now she doesn't want to talk to me. 'just shut the fuck up' she said. it made me cry. i dunno. i'm tired of losing people because i'm a fuck up. i'm tired of being a fuck up.

i'm exhausted. imma go sleep or something now. hopefully.
i need to do laundry.

oh and moe <3 iloveyousomuch.